Monday, October 31, 2011

Top 10 WORST Halloween Candy treats: The "How To" guide to receiving and distributing/ redistributing Halloween Candy

Please feel free to comment with your own best or worst candies if you disagree!!!!!

 these  qualify as the top ten worst Halloween candy treats for any trick or treater, starting with #10.
10 whoppers or tootsie rolls
9 chocolate coins
8 individual, partially wrapped hersey kisses
7 last year's candy canes
6 dumdum lollipops
5 pretzels
4 Dots
3 Milk Duds & Sugar Daddies
2 Individually wrapped/ partially wrapped chewy candies or gum (Now &Later)
and the worst is........
1 Indivdually wrapped/ partially wrapped hard sucking candies

In theory, if Halloween treats are intended for young trick-or -treaters and not those overgrown, unruly, freeloading  teenagers, this top ten list should be written with the young child in mind (age 12 and under).  First of all, individually wrapped hard candies, chewy candies and gum are obviously unsuitable for young children, as they present a choking hazard, not to mention the fact that they are often partially unwrapped by the time they are received.  The actual origin of these candies can be anywhere from the bottom of grandma's lint filled purse, or the candy bowl in a doctor's  waiting room.  Often these candies have seen higher circulation than a dollar bill.  Any responsible parent or adult will immediately confiscate these deadly pieces. Therefore, these either go right to the trash as tainted candy or they are set aside for parent consumption.   Or they may even be recycled and set aside in a candy bowl dedicated to teenagers that come to your door.

Any other individually wrapped candy, not intended for individual distribution, which is not individually or hermetically sealed such chocolate coins, individual hershey kisses, tootsie rolls, (even if its chocolate) must be discarded because of the ease in which they can be unwrapped and rewrapped.  These could be tainted with bacterium or even drugs and no responsible parent would give these to their child.  Of course the parent may eat them, at his or her own risk.

Any candy that actually adheres to the teeth, and causes the mandible to be glued together with the maxillae, should never be given to any child- this includes now and later candies, many caramels, dots, sugar daddies and other similar candies. These should go directly to the trash.  These are too hard to chew, and take way too long to suck.  Oftentimes the parent may make an attempt to eat a piece of this candy,  in a desperate mood of gluttony, and this usually results in  annoyance and frustration, and eventually the piece of candy must be discarded.  As in the case of  hard and chewy candies, like Milk Duds,  Now and Laters, or Dots, the offending piece of candy must actually be scraped  or even pried off the teeth before consumption is complete! These are not even worth the attempt to eat, not even for the parent. It only takes a couple of times before even the most gluttonous of parents, learns this candy is not really a candy.

Bagged pretzels may be lame, but at least they are a healthy alternative if they are in individually sealed bags.  These can at least be used as a snack with a bagged school lunch.  The other candies in the list, such as dum dum lollipops and smarties are just pretty lame in general.  After all the good candy is gone, children and parents may eventually get around to eating these.  More often than not, these may sit around and wind up in next year's candy bowl.

In this economy, with rising taxes and unemployment, you can't expect a homeowner or household to spend tons of money on candy that goes to strangers.  The common denominator of the candy choices listed (with the exception of the lame pretzels), is that they are cheap and sold in bulk or found somewhere.  And these days even the cheap candy of the past is no longer cheap. You can not rule the possibility that some moms make these choices to avoid the temptation of eating the Halloween candy themselves.  Nevertheless, certain candies should never be distributed to young children as they are entirely unsuitable for consumption no matter how strapped for cash you may be.  If your financial situation is desperate, or your will power is low, pennies are an inexpensive, but better choice than the hazardous candies mentioned in the list. Or, just purchase a single bag of candy, and when you run out, lock the door and turn off your lights.  If its just an issue of will power and expense is not an issue, why not distribute chips, granola bars, pencils, temporary tattoos or stickers? As a creative  no-cost alternative, plan ahead and go online on the internet in August, do a Google search for free religious tracts and place an order, and distribute them to trick or treaters.

Keep in mind, if you give a very good, high quality candy like a Peppermint Patty or an Almond Joy or dark chocolate, you are probably just feeding the parent because most kids don't like coconut, almonds or mint- but that's okay because some parents deserve candy too. For the sake of full disclosure, other candies such as raisinettes,  peanut M&Ms, Babe Ruth's, Snickers and other candy with nuts often wind up in the parent stash too. Oftentimes, parents will be subtle,as they lurk at the curb, waiting like a vulture for their child to return with their candy loot, hoping for a treat.  You may think they are simply taking photos of their kids in cute costumes, but they are really waiting to check the candy.  It may be more accurate to say that the safety check of the candy is as much for the parent's "benefit" as it is for the child.

If you want to give a good quality candy that the parent will not eat, then give Kit Kats, Reeses, Krackle bars, Hersey's chocolate bars, m&ms,  Twix, sealed commercially made (NOT home-made) rice crispy treats and other non- nut chocolate.


  1. Im checking your garbage tomorrow for tossed out candy!!!

  2. It won't be there, because its in my stomach!